Who are you listening to? Is it everyone, but you?
I try not to watch the television very much. Yes, I need to catch up on the weather, driving conditions, traffic patterns, etc.; the rest of it I can pretty much do without – but that’s me. However, not too long ago I crossed into a channel that had a bride trying to buy her wedding dress. She had all 9 brides maids with her, her future mother-in-law and her own mom in attendance while she tried on dress after dress after dress. (You already see the outcome here, right?) This bride-to-be came home empty handed at the end of the day. Every single person had an opinion and not one of them coincided with someone else’s opinion, especially not hers. What happened to what she wanted, I ask? It was obviously filed somewhere deep where she couldn’t get her hands on it. The bride seemed to have lost her own choices and now feels rather powerless. How many of us are doing that every time we have a decision facing us that really truly belongs to only one person – ourselves? Don’t we consider that we have enough information about us to make the correct and perfect choice?
I am not suggesting for one moment that the thoughts and opinions of others are not needed or helpful. Often the expertise we seek can be clearly provided by someone who has the training; however, as our own best resource, we should take the data we arm ourselves with, overlay it on our own good knowledge about who we are and what we want and then go with it. Sincerely – who is the person that will be wearing the wedding dress on the most significant day of her life?
How do we hear ourselves? Do we listen with our physical ears or our heart-voice? One of the best ways I know is to find the quiet time and opportunity to listen to the heart. For those who are unfamiliar with “heart-voice or heart-knowledge” and how it can readily be available to us, clearly it begins by giving the heart knowledge highest importance. The heart knowledge carries all of the information that matters to you as a being and a soul, and links it with what you desire. Sure, much data exists and is stored in the head, but the heart gives that information relevant to how you want or already do live your life. I, for one, am not ready to give my soul-searching decisions over to someone else’s data points. The heart separates the data from the general collection and delivers it to you as personal and vital. What will bring you joy? Joy that resonates with you, comes squarely from the heart!
The heart speaks personally, and because it’s language can be somewhat symbolic in nature (the heart vocabulary can be quite different than everyday chit-chat), it requires that you give it time and space to deliver the message. Meditation or still-mind is a perfect opportunity to create an environment for a heart chat. Silence on your part, and the space around you is pretty important for the conversation. Take the time to set up your own space of silence – it is worth every effort. Once you have the degree of silence you need, be clear of other thoughts. Declare to yourself that you are worthy and accomplished in your decision-making skills, then list quietly what you would like to have as an outcome. This is what you Intend. Now wait in anticipation for your heart to give you the answers on how to make it happen.
Let’s briefly return to our TV bride; if she has taken the effort and time to think about her desires and decision-making, her excursion into the bridal shop may have looked very different.
- She wants a dress that looks beautiful on her, has all of the details she loves and imagined it would have. (Her Intention).
- She will know it when she sees it. It will bring her immediate joy, independent of other opinions of what JOY looks like. (Her Heart-Knowledge).
- The final choice will be hers, because her heart tells her what is the right choice. (Her Decision)
When we experience loss of any kind, we are faced with a clear example of who to listen to. In the throes of loss, our mind, body and emotions can appear to be out of our control. Sadness, fear, and anger all surface in the face of what we are currently without -a person, a precious item, peace – something that seems to have disappeared from our life and perhaps our earth. We are not helpless. We have tools to use to get us through to the other side of fear, sadness and indecision. Our healing is just within our reach. We can quiet our environment, our mind, our body and listen to the heart-voice within. This is not saying we can’t be sad or confused in our loss, which can be extreme in its presence. When I lost my son Drew to suicide several years ago, my loss seemed insurmountable and without end. I still experience days when my loss and sadness at not having him with me, closes around me like a shroud. When I face the fear of life without Drew, I recognize the hole in my body, acknowledge it, then quiet my world and let my heart speak. It gives me full control of where my emotions go from that moment on, what I decide for my healing and how to return to joy. My heart knowledge will never ever steer me wrong – it has only one priority – my well-being.
Excerpt from Let GO and Let LOVE: Survivors of Suicide Loss Healing Handbook, CreateSpace Publishing, $12.87, paperback and ebook available September 2015.
CONTACT: Gabrielle Doucet